Thursday, October 24, 2013
To many thoughts...
Friday, July 27, 2012
I'm ready...
It has been a while since I wrote anything on this lovely blog of mine. I alternately miss it and hate the obligation it implies. Silly I know but feelings don't make sense on a good day let alone on a regular day. So what's been up with me? Nothing much. I have been unemployed for the past year and making ends meet by babysitting any and every child that I can find parents to pay me for, lol. I'm hoping that my year of unemployment is over and that I can go back to work. Teaching.....I hate it......but its a paycheck and I can't deny that its a good one. It's either that or going back to school and I may have to go back before to long anyway. I really don't want to, but I'll do what needs doing to make a living ::shrugs::....
Anyway, aside from looking for gainful employment I have reconnected with an old friend. I hope he sticks around this time, it scares me that he won't, but alternately it scares me that he will, and what, ultimately, that means. Oh well....I can't control everything....and I find that control isn't something I want to hold onto with an iron fist. So what comes, comes, and what will be, will be.
My Sprite is doing beautifully and is turning into a truly beautiful soul. She is bright, feisty, and gaining a strong will. She is my light and my love and I couldn't ask for a better daughter. For that reason alone I will always thank her mother for giving her to me. She's still a little bird who startles when you move to fast or when she thinks she's in trouble but she's beginning to act more and more like your everyday 5year old. She's smart and will be starting Kindergarten ahead of the curve this Fall. Just the thought of this child makes me smile from the inside out. Her medical issues aren't a main concern anymore. Her acid re-flux is under control. Her weight gain is steady though she does need a high caloric smoothie every night before bed to make sure she gains weight consistently. She seems to burn the energy and calories faster than I can get them into her. When she's in her 20's and 30's she'll be glad of this....but as a child its a hassle since I have to stop her play to get her to eat a snack between our regularly scheduled meal times.
Such as life with my Sprite.
As for my TTC (trying to conceive) journey *sigh*....it is on hold until I find employment and am sure I can care for a new child financially as well as I can the child I have without to much hardship. Everything in me is screaming out to conceive, but it would be the height of irresponsibility, I think, to consciously get pregnant while unemployed. So I'll wait and it will keep.
My writing has slacked off to the point of non-existence....when ever I sit at the computer to put my thoughts to a document....its almost as if they slip away just as soon as I try to type them. Same happens when I sit down with a notebook. So I try not to dwell over it. I miss my writing and I long for my creativity to come back 2 fold, but when its time its time and it will happen or it wont. That's what I tell myself anyway.
My hair is doing better....I know I probably didn't blog about this before but I have been on my natural hair journey for about 7 years or so now. It took me 3 years just to be able to think of other options that are more natural that work better for my hair than the over the counter full of chemical stuff that my hair rejects with a vengeance. Me and my hair still have our arguments and our fights, but we have come to an understanding of sorts.....I leave it alone for the most part...only moisturizing, washing and combing it...and when I need it to be cute on a day out or something then....well....it tries its best to do as I ask, lol. There's no taming it really...I mostly just let it do what it does with little to no fooling with it and most times its cute. See more control that I've let go, lol.
I'm still single. I'm hoping that will be remedied soon....how soon?....I have no clue....but hopefully soon.
My journey into spirituality and my holistic, hippy, and pagan sense of self is coming along smoother than I thought it would. I'm at peace even when I'm stressed to the max there is a part of me that feels.....like a tree in a breeze....slow, thoughtful, peaceful, and strong.
I wish I had something beautifully written to leave you...but alas I don't....so.......I'll catch you the next go around, and maybe then my words will be there for me to put pen to paper.
*smooches*
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Through the portal .....
Saying nothing she got up and walked to her built in bookshelf and while she turned she muttered the same incantation that she did earlier Signum fye durnam echte ne moon. After she did that she grabbed the tape recorder and erased it. Thinking that he had a copy at his house and since everything was still she went outside with Taurus and when he gained his dragon form she flew to the address on the card he gave her earlier. Arriving at his house she searched out the transcribed conversation and the other recordings and left his house exactly as she found. Going back home Taurus said,
‘You don’t think he has any more that we didn’t find do you?’
“No, I don’t think so, mortal things that have been touched by magic have an aura about them and these were the only things in his home with a magical signature, but just in case he hid a copy or two I’ll search his memory and pull it out or erase it,” Samara told him.
‘I thought you didn’t like doing memory spells?’ said Taurus.
“I don’t but he can’t know. I would rather risk him losing some short term memory rather than risking another mortal with my secret. Brenna is enough, and besides there is still the blackmailer. We still have to find him and get rid of him before he exposes me and pose a risk to everything we have worked towards,” she said.
Getting back into her house and after checking his memory and finding that they did find all of his copies, she wiped his memory of him finding out about her. After making the adjustments to his memory and adding a new one to Brenna’s explaining everything and after whipping up a dinner, by magic of course, she had her explanation ready for the good Dr. Saying the incantation backwards she waited for them to unfreeze and when they did she said,
“Supper’s ready why don’t you come back into the kitchen and we can eat. I’m starved.”
Brenna recovered quickly and with a pointed look at Mara headed toward the kitchen. Mr. Balentine looked confused but didn’t say anything and followed right behind her.
The rest of the evening went on without a hitch and Samara finished the day out with a bubble bath and a cup of tea. Wondering what tomorrow would bring. She only had two days left till the winter solstice and if she didn’t go through the portal everyone and everything on Earth and Atarius would die.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
More of "Through the Portal"
The time on Atarius was vastly different there than it was on earth. The one hundred years she spent on Earth were only one hundred days on Atarius. So in the five thousand years she'd spent being Guardian on earth were only about thirteen and a half years on her home world. Atarius also didn't have the technology that Earth does. It was blissfully ensconced in what earth would call Medieval or the Dark ages and Samara loved her home. Here on earth people were so impatient and disbelieving in the things that are around them every day that it made her home sick.
Being around magical creatures and magic in general made her feel at home but the guarding of two worlds was taking its toll on her. Policing the magic of one world to protect the magic of another just wasn’t as fulfilling as it had been when she first started. She’d killed magical creatures, covered up killings of mortals, and heralded the destruction of this world so many times it was becoming tedious. She just wanted there to be peace so she could go home and live the quiet life she’d lived for so long before two worlds collided and her husband was caught in the cross fire of this world and her own, Gods, how she hated Earth and its pettiness.
Even the immortals, after hundreds and even thousands of years, were petty and only thought of themselves. Vampires in particular were a nuisance, because they were at the top of the food chain and could only die through the removal of their heads thought they could do what they wanted at will. They were so wrong. She’d killed the oldest of them a century ago for thinking thus and trying to act out those thoughts. He was older than she and because he was so old he was then immune to the effects of sunlight, and could only be killed by the removal of his head and being cremated.
Man what a night that was, she thought.
‘Heads up here they come,” said Taurus who had dropped the illusion of a cat and became himself. He was a glorious red, gold, and green dragon, and he was impressive standing behind her like a 10 feet tall sentinel. She stood inside an old underground warehouse that housed fifty of the youngest and stupidest vampires she had ever had the misfortune to meet. It wasn’t the young ones, but the old ones you had to look out for, because the old ones new better than to attract attention but at some point they always want to have power over someone: the younger ones are just stupid and think about revenge more than sense.
When they all came running into the warehouse she held out her hands and with the crook of her finger all of the exits were sealed off. The vampires came to a standstill as she and her pet stepped out of the darkness.
“Samara, what are you doing here?” said the ringleader, a woman with dark hair and a red corset. She was just shy of her one hundredth death day, and Samara was sorry to see her go.
“You know why I’m here Judith. Was it or wasn’t it you and your coven that kidnapped, tortured and killed those families last week? You knew I would come for you. I don’t know why you thought you’d get away with it,” Samara said coldly.
“Oh, come on. They’re just mortals. No need to get your knickers in a twist.” When Judith didn’t get a reaction from her she continued, “Okay what if we promise not to do it again. Will that get you to go away?”
“You know it won’t and I don’t know why your pleading this is your third strike and the third strike of this magnitude is always death. You know that. Since the day you were made you’ve known that. Or am I wrong that Tobias told you as he does all of his children ‘Don’t do anything to get yourself killed. It would tear me up.’ If he didn’t I’m surprised because he tells that to all of his offspring,” Samara said.
“He did but he didn’t specify what would or wouldn’t get me killed,” Judith said looking innocent. Samara new better and Taurus bent his head, growled low and let his nostrils smoke.
“I’m not buying it and you know I’m not. You know full well what will get you killed. This is the third time I’ve had to confront you about your penchant for families. So this is the last time I will be bothered with any of this or you,” she said.
Samara reached into her coat and extracted a gleaming silver sword with gold writing on the blade. It was enchanted, elf-made, and unbreakable. The sword of the Guardian the inscription said ‘Thee who holds this sword is the Guardian of Magic and its Creatures. This sword is the judge of those creatures of old and magic alike. Three chances only does one have before thee are to seek punishment for crimes within the Worlds of Magic. Three and only three and this sword will come to thee.’
When Judith saw the sword she screamed;
“No, not me, take them they made me do it….” Those were her last words before her head rolled across the floor. Her followers tried to get away but they were locked in it was their day of reckoning as well and they knew what was coming. With Taurus’ help they had the underground warehouse ablaze and the vampires within were now no more than dust on the sidewalk.
Taurus changed back into a black cat and they got into her SUV and headed for home. What they saw when they got there was a surprise. Brenna and Wynn Balentine were waiting for them on Samara’s front porch.
“Oh, what now?” Mara said as she stepped out of the car and grabbed Taurus and put him on her shoulders.
“Hey, Mara, let’s go inside huh? We need to talk,” Brenna said giving Wynn a sidelined glance.
“Okay, but my night is kind of busy so you two can’t stay long,” Samara said. She sat Taurus on the ground and let him go through the kitty door so he could put away anything incriminating. Then she got her keys and unlocked the door. Her house was a modest Tudor styled home situated outside of
“So, what brings you two here this time a night?”
“Well, Mr. Balentine came to the gallery looking for you and I thought…..” Brenna started but was cut off by Wynn saying,
“I wanted an explanation for this,” he said as he pulled his tape recorder out of his pocket and played her conversation with Theuderic.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Through the portal Continued...
Through the Portal
Continued...
Wynn had never in his life met a more disagreeable woman. She seemed to get even more disagreeable as the interview went on. He couldn’t explain it. Most people liked having their passions and their work discussed and the more publicity the better. Samara Collins seemed to be the complete opposite. He just couldn’t figure her out.
Putting this out of his head he reached his house and pulled out the tape recorder when he finally got into his house and office. He rewound it and played it back he heard his own voice for a while and then he heard Samara say
“Signum fye durnam echte ne moon.” Thinking she mumbled something under her breath he didn’t really notice until he heard her talking to someone else. Listening intently he started making notes and transcribing the conversation onto his computer. Listening to the whole conversation again he started wondering where he was when she had this conversation. He hadn’t noticed when she had gotten up to talk to some man named Theuderic. In fact he knew that she hadn’t, but if what he knew was false how did she do it? He rewound the tape again and listened intently. After listening two more times he finally understood that the phrase he heard her mutter was probably a spell that stopped everything that wasn’t’ like her still.
“She’s a witch!” he said aloud alarming himself. Grabbing his tape recorder he puts it inside his pocket and leaves his house to go to the gallery. He had to find her and confront her.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Changed my mind...I'm not ready for that to be out there yet so....
Through the Portal
She couldn't believe it. After all these years of being careful she was being blackmailed. Blackmailed, of all things in the world, and three days to the winter solstice at that, she didn’t understand it. She didn't need this right now. She had to go through the portal on the solstice to protect all that she held dear: to protect her family. She wouldn't let anyone stop her. It was too important. She was going out to the local museum where her art collection was being displayed. She needed to make sure that everything was secure for her 'vacation' till after Christmas. She went out the door of her house muttering a string of curses in Somaglic a language that was not only unheard of in this time period but had been extinct for more than five thousand years.
“Hey, Bren, are you at the gallery? Yeah well we need to have an emergency meeting I’ll see you there.” Mara closed her flip phone and got in her red SUV to drive downtown.
Samara Joy Collins was a striking woman with her dark skin and bright blue eyes and curly brown red hair that went down her back. She made a stunning contrast. Her hair alone had all of the colors of fall in them from earth brown to the burnished red and gold of the leaves. With her blue eyes and dark skin she was obsessively beautiful. People always wanted to take pictures of her. She had been approached by more modeling agencies than she could count and even though her figure was anything but waif like or slender they still wanted her. She turned them down and even started wearing brown contacts and dying her hair black. The dye never lasted of course because her hair would change back to its normal color in about a month. Sometimes she thought her hair protested the dye, but of course she knew it wasn't her hair or scalp protesting the change but the magic that surrounded her.
Mara was no ordinary woman she was a Guardian of the past, present, and future. She protected the world from things more dangerous than human minds could comprehend. She sang more beautifully than all of the sirens in the mythology books and was more striking than Medusa laughing.
Her voice, her face and her body shielded the world as we know it from the forces of evil. The creatures of old loved to hear her sing and she had stopped many a dragon, phantom and sphinx from destroying everything that she held dear.
The immortals loved her everlasting beauty and they worshipped her face and form, because while they will live forever and their minds will be with them always they didn't stay young.
These things alone didn't make up Samara they didn't even scratch the surface of her. They didn't explain why she was willing to give up her life for a world of loneliness, evil, and lies, because give it up was what she had done. She wasn't even from this world, but a parallel one that coincided with ours and to protect her world and her family she needed to protect Earth and to do that she needed to stay anonymous. She had been so careful. She changed her name, address, and appearance every fifty years or so.
Mara arrived at the gallery and spotted her friend and confidante Brenna Jacobson who also happened to be the owner of the gallery. Brenna was the only person in this world who knew of Samara and her secrets. She wondered now if confiding in her had been a mistake, but at the time it couldn't be helped. She could have done a memory spell but that always has repercussions on the person’s memory beyond just the one memory being replaced or deleted, and really it had been all Taurus's fault anyway.
Taurus was her friend, and pet dragon. He had the gift of illusion, and size control among his other dragon ways. He had revealed himself to Brenna without Samara's knowledge. He does so at least once every hundred years because he thought that she needed more than just him to confide in and talk too. She was caught unawares when Brenna confronted her. So she told the truth. He went every were she did, no question. She should have wondered why he didn't want to go 0ut with her that day, but as usual when it came to Taurus she didn't ask questions. She waited as Brenna finished with some people who had wanted to purchase one of the artifacts. Of course she knew that nothing on display was for sale but if they wanted a replica they could purchase one or two. When Brenna finished she walked to her friend and asked,
"So what brings you here this time of day? I thought you'd still be sleeping."
"I need to talk to you," Samara said as she grabbed her friend by the arm, and leading her to her office.
"Okay. We're alone. What’s up?"
"I know you wouldn't do anything to purposely hurt me, but I want to know who you told about me."
"What are you talking about? I told no one about you or Taurus, I swear. And you know I didn't so what's this all about?"
"I'm being blackmailed. Look at this." Samara pulled a letter from her purse and handed it to Brenna it said,
I no who u are, an I no bout the dregon. I want 5hudred thowsand dolars buy this friday or Im goin to tell evrybody wat I no. Dont call the kops and or i will have to kill you and your pet dregon. Leave the monee at Cider Park inside the whole in the old peekan tree. Rember no kops.
Before Brenna could respond to the note there was a knock on her office door. Brenna called a quick “Come in” and the door opened to emit a man Mara had never seen before. He was handsome not cute like so many men you see on television. Mara’s eyes lit up with appreciation. That reaction shocked her to the core, because she had shielded herself from such reactions since the death of her husband. A death that had been so violent it had lead her to leave Atarius and become guardian of both worlds.
She figured he was about 6’3” or there about because she herself was 5’8” and he towered over her. He had hair so black it had blue highlights and his eyes were the color of gold silk.
“Hey, Wynn, come on in. This is my friend Samara Collins the art collector I told you about. It is her collection that has you inspired. Samara this is Wynn Balantine the art historian that I told you about, remember? He wants to write a book about the history of some of your collection,” Brenna explained.
“Yes, of course I remember. Nice to meet you Mr. Balantine, but could you give us a minute?” Samara said as she literally shoved him out the door, closed and locked it in his face.
“Mara, rude much.”
“Yeah, well, he can wait. This can’t. What do I do about this threat, Brenna? If I don’t make it to the portal in time it could mean thousands of lives at stake if not whole worlds. So I need you to tell me anything that might have come out of your mouth to lead someone to discover my secret,” Mara said.
“I didn’t say anything to anyone about anything. I’ve only spoken with people like Wynn who want to purchase or write about your art collection. If you come into the conversation it’s about your art not you,” Brenna replied.
The magic that protected her from the years and centuries of change also helped to shield her from the prying eyes of the mortals around her, but someone knew. Someone had found a way around all of the spells and enchantments that surrounded Samara and her pet dragon Taurus. He was disguised as a cat this time. A black cat with eyes that changed at will. Now they were purple.
They'd had a special connection since his hatching four hundred years ago. A connection that allowed him to speak to her telepathically and one also that allowed him to stay the size of a lap dog or large cat thanks to her magic and his too. He of course could change form at will and grow to an astronomical size but since that would be too conspicuous in this world and in this time period he stayed small.
The only time he got big was when she went home to her world Atarius where dragons roamed free and so did everything magical. She only spent a few hours every hundred years at home, but it was the time she relished and one that meant she was doing the right thing for both worlds since everyone she loved was still living.
‘Careful Mara, he’s listening at the door.’ Mara looked at the door and saw that Taurus had moved from her side and stood glaring at the door. He turned and looked at her saying telepathically,
‘Can’t you feel his aura? You need to watch out for him. Not as a threat but as a problem. He seems like the “save the girl” type to me.’
Mara harrumphed and went to the door, Taurus moved, and she opened it and watched as Mr. Balantine tried to look innocent.
“You can come in now. What was it that you needed from me, Mr. Valentine?” she said.
“Oh, it’s Balantine, and I just needed your permission to study your collection and I would like to know how you came by your artifacts if you didn’t mind explaining. I would be happy to take you to lunch or somewhere where we could talk privately. I brought my tape recorder just in case,” he said.
“She’d love to go! Wouldn’t you Mara?” Brenna said loudly then whispered in her ear, “When is the next time you get asked out by a guy that hot? Go have fun. I’ll watch Taurus.”
‘Not a chance human. Where Mara goes so do I besides I have a hunger for fish.” Taurus rumbled low in his voice with a disgruntled look at Brenna.
“Okay, I’ll go. Its okay about Taurus he wants seafood and ‘The Sharks Tale’ lets him in with no fuss. I’ll be back and when I get back we need to talk,” Samara said as she picked up Taurus and put him on her shoulders like a kitty scarf and walked out the door. When Wynn did nothing but stare at the two of them she turned and said,
“Are you coming or do I have to do your interview myself?” He turned and started to walk behind her. When they got to the parking lot she got into her car and told him how to get to ‘The Sharks Tale’ and left him standing there with his mouth open.
‘You shouldn’t be so rude to him. He doesn’t know the reason you’re so touchy and if you don’t watch it you’ll peak his interest. Not that it will take much doing since I sensed he was already interested.’ Taurus said as he lounged in the passenger seat.
"Hmmm....Well enough of that. We need to think on what to do about this person who is blackmailing me and how to find him. Can you think of anyone who has been lurking around?" At the shake of his head she continued, "How about anyone too curious? Interested? Anything?"
'Nothing that I can recall. Everything is as it has been for centuries,' Taurus said.
Mara brooded the rest of the way to the restaurant. When they arrived they went into the restaurant and got their usual table. When Wynn Balentine showed up he was escorted to their table. After issuing pleasantries Mara signaled to the waiter and they made their orders. Wanting to waste no more time she got down to business once the waiter left.
"So what questions do you have for me Mr. Valentine?"
"It's Balentine, Ms. Collins with a B, and it is Dr. Wynn Balentine. Can I rightly assume it is Ms. and not Mrs.?" Dr. Balentine said.
"If that is your sly way of asking if I am single and looking you are right in one respect Dr. I am Ms. and not Mrs. but I am not looking for a name change. So if you don't mind I would rather we get down to business," Mara said frostily.
'Mara, don't look now, but you're being paged. Ahead of us two tables to the left. It's Theuderic the Wise, and a companion. Quite dashing in his bright orange jacket and not the least bit conspicuous isn't he,' Taurus said.
Mara looked up only to be blinded by Theo's jacket and made a mental note to stop by his house on the outside of town. Immortals! they never knew what was best for them. They thought that just because they couldn't die everything was just hunky dory. Damn that Theuderic I don't have time for him and his theatrics now. Mara closed her eyes, when she saw that people were beginning to notice the odd old man in the corner, and mumbled what sounded like Signum fye durnam echte ne moon: the room stilled. No one moved except Theuderic, Mara and Taurus.
"Theo! What have I told you about making a spectacle of yourself, and don’t' tell me it was all in good fun, I know you," Mara said as she waited for Theuderic to stand and look at her.
"Now, now Samara. It's my birthday and I should be able to do what I want on my birthday. I mean it’s not every day you turn 407 years old is it," Theuderic said.
"I know it’s your birthday but you know as well as I that going around in public in a getup that reeks of magic only leads to speculation and then we really have problems. So you either tone it down or the next time you need a rejuvenating draught I won't be available," she said.
"But Mara couldn't you over look the rules just once? In all my years, and there have been many, I haven’t been allowed to meddle in a little mischief. Not once," Theuderic said petulantly.
"Remember what happened to Isidora when she decided to meddle in a little mischief, don't you?"
"Of course, her magic was suspended for a hundred years and she went mad, but I’m not trying to take over the world. I just wanted a little company for a while. I was going to get rid of her later," Theuderic explained.
"Oh, really, how pray tell were you going to get rid of her? By using more magic that I would have to cover up, or by killing her like you did that other woman you'd made fall in love with you. What was her name again? Judy? Jane? No! it was Jenny. If I remember correctly I had to use magic to cover that up too, and I remember someone promising me that he wouldn't do it again. Now the person who made that promise couldn't have been you could it?" Mara said.
"Alright, you win. I'll finish my lunch date and send her home to mommy how’s that?" Theuderic said.
"I'll be checking up on her Theo. If she isn't alive, well and living a good life I’ll know who to blame for that won't I?" Mara said as she walked back to her table. she closed her eyes again and this time she muttered her spell backwards to restore time and everything went on as usual. She finished her conversation with Dr. Balentine and went on with her day. She had some appointments to keep with a group of the most volatile immortals on the planet: Vampires.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Well...
You're soul,
Together we two, hither goes the days.
Together we two, hither goes our nights.
In your voice, in your rhyme, I can feel time.
Your eager rescinding emotions make you seem kind,
I long for those times we have our fights,
I hope we shall know what the other says,
You are eternal, pragmatic, delightful.
Whirling about, a cloud ascends your heavenly being,
Fae, feeling, fun to the touch
There be none negative
There be only light:
That ember you are,
That smile that you give.
I howl to your soul, and pray for relief.
Like me, love me, but never rescind me;
Like me, love me, or know that I meet you fair.
Will you forgive the freight;
Will you reach to mine light?
I hope you know how much you mean to those who love you
I hope you cherish every day you wake with no pain
I hope you Love from the bottom of your soul
For every day you spend awake in my world you shine
My feelings for you are mixed in my mind but solid in my heart
You’re like a butterfly beautiful in its being short in its visit
I watch as you flit around from shoulder to shoulder never having a place to land
Or a home to be free
I watch as your life is taken for granted that forever and always you will be
With this
I hope it finds you thinking of the future
I hope you plan
I hope you find worth in just being yourself
For every day you spend awake in my world I believe in you