Friday, July 27, 2012

I'm ready...

Hey is everything?

It has been a while since I wrote anything on this lovely blog of mine. I alternately miss it and hate the obligation it implies. Silly I know but feelings don't make sense on a good day let alone on a regular day. So what's been up with me? Nothing much. I have been unemployed for the past year and making ends meet by babysitting any and every child that I can find parents to pay me for, lol. I'm hoping that my year of unemployment is over and that I can go back to work. Teaching.....I hate it......but its a paycheck and I can't deny that its a good one. It's either that or going back to school and I may have to go back before to long anyway. I really don't want to, but I'll do what needs doing to make a living ::shrugs::....

Anyway, aside from looking for gainful employment I have reconnected with an old friend. I hope he sticks around this time, it scares me that he won't, but alternately it scares me that he will, and what, ultimately, that means. Oh well....I can't control everything....and I find that control isn't something I want to hold onto with an iron fist. So what comes, comes, and what will be, will be.

My Sprite is doing beautifully and is turning into a truly beautiful soul. She is bright, feisty, and gaining a strong will. She is my light and my love and I couldn't ask for a better daughter. For that reason alone I will always thank her mother for giving her to me. She's still a little bird who startles when you move to fast or when she thinks she's in trouble but she's beginning to act more and more like your everyday 5year old. She's smart and will be starting Kindergarten ahead of the curve this Fall. Just the thought of this child makes me smile from the inside out. Her medical issues aren't a main concern anymore. Her acid re-flux is under control. Her weight gain is steady though she does need a high caloric smoothie every night before bed to make sure she gains weight consistently. She seems to burn the energy and calories faster than I can get them into her. When she's in her 20's and 30's she'll be glad of this....but as a child its a hassle since I have to stop her play to get her to eat a snack between our regularly scheduled meal times.

Such as life with my Sprite.

As for my TTC (trying to conceive) journey *sigh* is on hold until I find employment and am sure I can care for a new child financially as well as I can the child I have without to much hardship. Everything in me is screaming out to conceive, but it would be the height of irresponsibility, I think, to consciously get pregnant while unemployed. So I'll wait and it will keep.

My writing has slacked off to the point of non-existence....when ever I sit at the computer to put my thoughts to a document....its almost as if they slip away just as soon as I try to type them. Same happens when I sit down with a notebook. So I try not to dwell over it. I miss my writing and I long for my creativity to come back 2 fold, but when its time its time and it will happen or it wont. That's what I tell myself anyway.

My hair is doing better....I know I probably didn't blog about this before but I have been on my natural hair journey for about 7 years or so now. It took me 3 years just to be able to think of other options that are more natural that work better for my hair than the over the counter full of chemical stuff that my hair rejects with a vengeance. Me and my hair still have our arguments and our fights, but we have come to an understanding of sorts.....I leave it alone for the most part...only moisturizing, washing and combing it...and when I need it to be cute on a day out or something tries its best to do as I ask, lol. There's no taming it really...I mostly just let it do what it does with little to no fooling with it and most times its cute. See more control that I've let go, lol.

I'm still single. I'm hoping that will be remedied soon?....I have no clue....but hopefully soon.

My journey into spirituality and my holistic, hippy, and pagan sense of self is coming along smoother than I thought it would. I'm at peace even when I'm stressed to the max there is a part of me that a tree in a breeze....slow, thoughtful, peaceful, and strong.

I wish I had something beautifully written to leave you...but alas I don''ll catch you the next go around, and maybe then my words will be there for me to put pen to paper.