Good News and Bad News go hand in hand...

So let me tell you whats been going on here lately, okay? After I wrote that lovely 4part Monologue, applause here please, I got some good news.

My friend Melissa wanted to start an online magazine that dealt with REAL WOMEN! YES you heard it REAL WOMEN. Not those air brushed Barbie's you see in every magazine on earth. Women just like me and you and the people you know.

She's started with just the blog to see what kind of responses we'll get. Well the big thing about the website/blog/online magazine is that she wants me to write for her!

"Add scream here"

Okay so I said Yes, like I would dare turn down such a thing, "snort".

And so now I've written an introductory post for her for myself. Now its off to the races!

So that was the good news bad news is I got deathly ill right after i said yes to this whole thing. Just my luck! Okay so it wasn't DEATHLY ill but I was ill, but i'm not going to write about that here you can read it on http://unconditionallyyou.blogspot.com/ on Monday!

I'm so excited about this blog!

Other bad news is that financially things for me and sprite are going quite badly. I got a new car and my license expired not to mention the medical bills have started to arrive and I have no money for all of it shockingly enough.

I'm pretty stressed about it all really though I'm trying to pay for one thing at a time and one thing only. I start with rent, then utilities, then ballet (i'm not taking that from her when she loves it, even though the money for ballet could take care of something else, but i figure if i start off taking away her extra curricular to pay for a bill then thats the way we'd always do things.) So I'm going to use her TANF for her Ballet class and my money for everything else. The tag for my car is a one time a year payment so once its done its done. Same goes for my license and the medical bills even if they do total up to 400bucks.

Looking at the medical bills makes me want to move to Canada or England just to have the free health care. I'm not political so I wont go into all the politics. You won't ever see that from me as i don't follow politics.

The doctors bills are for my well woman check up from the gynocologyst along with an ultrasound the doctor had done because of my painful periods. None were found and everything looks normal along with all of my blood work came back normal and I don't have a thyroid problem but my Anemia has gotten out of control again. So the doc told me to buy a vitamin c supplement along with folic acid to help the iron absorb into my bloodstream.

He said thats where my fatigue and vertigo was coming from and to take the iron, vitamin C and Folic acid twice daily.

So i'm taking those vitamins along with the fertility health herbs and my prenatal all in one day though spaced out. Its odd taking that much medication for me anyway.

My Sprite is doing well she's going through stages of eating like a horse and then eating like a gnat but I've gotten her some new vitamins and some more pediasure for those days where she wont eat or will only eat very little or very slowly. We're still having bedtime potty issues but hopefully those will resolve themselves soon.

Other than that I guess you could say was more good news than bad news!

I haven't written anything new so here's something old...

My Archer

"A man, like clay, is molded by his surroundings," my dad used to say,” He starts to take shape of the beatings and the pounding."

I never understood what he meant when he said that. I just thought it was his way of looking at the world through his work. My dad was an artist one of the very best I always thought. He worked in clay, wood, and stone sculptures. I sometimes wonder why I don’t have any artistic ability but I like to think that I am better at some things than he was. Even though he was great at his art he didn’t have much of a head for anything else.

After having my son I think I understand what he meant by this saying of his. Being a single mom isn’t the greatest thing on the planet, and having no male influence I can see is already taking its toll on my son. Archer, he was named for my dad, is 4 and he's such a sensitive little boy. I wonder if having a father would have made him less sensitive. He's so smart and creative and a joy to be around but he's starting to get teased in school for being so different from the other boys. I fear sometimes if he will remember the hurtful things that they say and I fear how those mean words will mold his mind and his behaviors.

Yesterday he asked, "Mom, why don’t the other boys like me?" I had to sit and think of what to say for a minute then I said;

"Oh, honey. Not everyone likes everyone. I'm sorry that you’re having a rough go of it at school, but it will get better. In a month they won’t remember why they won’t like you and they'll move on to someone else to tease. Aren’t any of them your friend? I saw you playing with a little boy at school yesterday. Wasn’t he your friend?"

"He's the new kid. His name is Joel. He seems really nice and we did have fun yesterday. Does that mean were friends?" he said a little excited at the prospect of having a friend that wasn’t a girl.

"Well, he sounds like a good boy and it sounds like the beginning of a beautiful friendship to me," I said.

The days go by and Archer and Joel have become the best of friends. They laugh and play and Archer tells me of all they do at school. Then something strange happened the other day. Archer came home sad and withdrawn. I asked him;

“What’s wrong honey? Did you and Joel have an argument?”

“No,” he said.

“Then what is it? Come on you can tell me can’t you?”

Archer turned to me and for the first time in months wanted to be held and cuddled. He crawled in my lap and he just cried, cried, cried. I held him and I tried to comfort him When he finally calmed I waited for him to tell me what happened, and he said;

“Mom, why did it have to happen? Why did he go away?” he said

“I don’t understand honey. What hap……..” I said just as the phone rang.

“Hold on baby. Hello? Yes this is she.” I answered the phone. It turned out to be the principal of the school and he told me that Joel was found to be dead this morning in his home, cause of death unknown at this moment but the authorities would be looking into it.

I now knew the anguish my little boy was going through. Poor Archer and Poor sweet Joel for Archer had lost his very best friend and Joel had lost his life.

Over the next months I concentrated on getting Archer to understand life and death and that HE had nothing to do with Joel dying. We found out that Joel had died of a head injury that he had suffered 2 days before at school. What everyone thought was just a bad bump to the head turned out to be Talk and die syndrome. Joel had suffered such extensive brain damage when he fell from the playground equipment that it was only a matter of time before he did whether or not he had gotten medical treatment.

We went to Joel’s funeral and we go every week so that Archer can tell his friend what was happening at school. It helps him cope and in some way it helps me as well.

When my dad died right after Archer was born I took him to the grave site and I’ve taken him every month since his birth. So I guess he gets it from me.

It’s been 2 years since Archer lost Joel. Joel’s parents have gone through a divorce and his father has moved. We go and see Margaret twice a month just to sit and give her some company. Archer talks to her of what he talks to Joel about school, his art project, friends at school, trips we take.

She seems to be doing better and I attribute it all to my Sweet, sensitive boy. He still gets bullied at school and we’re still working it out, and assuredly we will have many more problems to whether but through it all he’s still my Archer.

Much Ado About Nothing.....

Aside from being the movie verson of a Shakespear play that I just finished watching, I think it aptly describes the last couple of weeks.

The week before last I put my car in the shop for repairs and it stayed at the shop for a week and a half. *shakes head* Ohhhhh my life. On Wednesday of this past week I got it out of the shop with $557.92 ohhhh my poor frugal soul.............it literally hurt to hand over my debit card for that much money! All my savings for the next 2mos rent gone and now I must start over. Not to mention that when I got the car back and started driving it its making an aweful whinning noise that it didn't have before, go figure. For that much money it should purr like a cat and catch mice too while its at it. *sigh*

At school the last couple weeks it has been undescribable, completely. The week before last I had to spend the morning on the phone with CPS to call in a referral on one of my kids for something that I can not talk about here. Sufice it to say that it was BAD. After that me and one of my fellow teacher's had a teeny misunderstanding. Let me tell you about it..............

It all started with an email advising me of a new student, lets call him Mando, in this email that was sent to me as well as my fellow teacher because it had some things in it pertinent to her as well as me. Anyway the email said that Mando's parents were having a strained marriage and to work with them on getting transportation established. That's all it said about Mando. No more no less.

Well my fellow teacher and her aide asked me if I got the email about Mando's parents going through a bad divorce and needing help. Well, No, I said I didn't get any such email about them going through a divorce and them needing help. So I asked "why did you get the email? and when did you get it? What did it say?"

The aide said "we got it yesterday. All it said was that Mando's parents were going through a difficult divorce and we needed to show him some consideration and help them out a bit."

I said "Help them out with what? I'm not a family councilor. I have nothing to do with that boy's home life unless they bring it to my school. I'm not getting involved there."

Aide said "well its our jobs to help him adjust to his parents divorce and to show him a little compassion and understanding during this hard time that their going through, don't you think. I mean if their going through a bad divorce its understandable that he's going to be upset about it."

I said, "No, its not our job to adjust him to anything but school. He's 3 and while he might be attuned to the tension in the house hold he has no idea whats going on around him. The boy cant speak let alone comprehend DIVORCE. If they want help with that they need to go to counceling. I will say again I'm NOT GETTING INVOLVED WITH THEIR PRIVATE LIVES. It's none of my business unless they bring it to my classroom. If he's upset when he comes to class I will sooth him as best I can like I do all the kids but what happens at home stays at home unless he comes in covered in bruises then I report it to DHS. Thats it thats all. Its not MY JOB to pry into their lives. And I didnt get an email about divorce. All my email said was that their marriage was STRAINED and that to me does not mean divorce. I'm going to go look to make sure the boss didnt send something else saying we needed to help with their private lives."

Both my fellow teacher and her aide looked at me like I was a heartless beast. Honestly I don't care. Its not my job as a headstart teacher to get involved with my kids parents private lives, and frankly my dear I don't give a damn.

So to satisfy myself I went to my school email and found not one word about divorce or anything. So I asked my fellow teacher to show me the email they got and guess what IT WAS THE SAME EMAIL. The one above that I said stated "Emerald you have a new student MANDO. Your gonna have to help them out with TRANSPORTATION to and from school as his parents marriage is STRAINED."

So I said "I got that email and in no where in it does it say divorce or to help him and his family in anything other than transportation to and from school, ya'll are crazy."

I go back to my center where my aide has gotten back from her break and asked what was going on. I told her what happened and then said "I think they're just reading to much into that email because they got WAY more out of it than I did and we already got them transportation. He rides the bus."

Well anyway on the way home since me and my fellow teacher car pool she said to me "You know I thought it was VERY RUDE of you to tell your aide that we were reading to much into that email."

"Why? Its true? All that email said was work out transportation because the marriage is strained. You and your aide said that ya'll had an email about a bad divorce and we were going to have to councel this child or some such bull and thats not what it said. So in other words you read to much into and innocent email about transportation." I said back.

"Well," she said, "i dont think we did because you know we might be the only peace that kid gets away from home and i think we should help him in anyway we can. I mean its our jobs as teachers to make sure that they are well adjusted and ..........blah blah blah"

I looked at her like she had 3heads and one of them was drooling. REALLY! I told her that NO my dear it is not a teacher's job to make sure the kids are well adjusted to anything but SCHOOL. I told her that it is the PARENTS job to make sure that their children are well adjusted humanbeings and grow up well. I am not and I will not PARENT my students but I will teach them to the best of my ability and I will protect them to the best of my ability.

I mean REALLY! This is the reason people are starting to believe that schools and daycare's raise your kids instead of the parents!!! I love my students but they are just that students. I dont give them much thought when i come home unless it was a trying day or when i'm doing lesson plans. It is NOT my job to adjust your kids to life. Hell I teach 3yearolds, so yeah i give you that most of what i do is more parenting then teaching in that i wipe butts, change diapers, give kisses and hugs, and dole out timeouts, BUT and there is a BIG BUT I'm not my kids parents and their lives outside of my classroom is not mine.

Me and my fellow teacher agreed to disagree and remain friends.

After that debicle the rest of the week passed mostly uneventfully after my panic/anxiety attack on the playground.

I still am not sure what the anxiety attack was for or about. One minute I was instructing the kids on the gross moter assesments and yelling for some of them to stop pushing when all of a sudden my skin got clammy, my heart rate sped up, and I couldnt catch my breath. My aide took over while I sat down and put my head between my legs and held back tears. It took 10minutes for me to calm down and slow my heart rate back to normal and to stop shaking, and even then I felt fragile and on the verge of tears for the rest of the day.

I aplogized to my aide and explained to her what happened though i didnt and still dont know why I had the anxiety attack. She's never seen anyone have a panic/anxiety attack before so she didnt know what was going on.

Afew nights later I got fever. I wasnt sick in the traditional sense of the word. I didnt have a cough, snuffly nose, headache or any other symptom than a fever of 101.8. I took it 5 times just to be sure it wasnt a faulty thermometer. So i took some tylonal and went to bed early. I still felt fine the next day and though my fever had went back to normal I was clammy and cold for the whole day. It came back partially, 99.9, that night but it was gone by the next day and i still felt fine. I do wonder if there was any connection between the fever and my anxiety attack. Silly I know but I wonder none the less.

Sprite's diarhea is back 2times a week or it has been this week and the one before last. I will be calling her GI doc on monday to let them know that she's started that again. I'm pushing liquids thinking maybe she needs more water or something. I dont know. We have a docs appointment at the end of October so we'll see what he says then i guess.

Sprite's cousin has contacted me via facebook to let me know that her older brother is missing his sister and "I" need to do something to let him see her because I'm not thinking about sprite and her siblings. HA! I say, HA!

I do nothing but think about and worry over Sprite and her siblings. My number hasn't changed since the last time I give it to her cousin, grandmother, aunt, and great grandmother. I have done nothing but bend over assbackwards to make sure she has some kind of contact with her siblings. I am the one who goes to the city 2hours and more away so that she can play with a brother who doesnt remember he even has a sister or that he lived with that sister for a year before he was taken away.

I am the one who instigates playdates with an older brother that SHE barely remembers. I am the one that has pictures of both her brothers on my walls so that she can at least see their faces on a daily basis. I do all of this and more for her because I dont want her to grow up and completely forget that she has siblings. And yet all i get is criticism and ill favor from a family that could care less about her 11mos out of the year.

She has a birthday coming up and every year i send an invitation to her older brother and every year they never respond nor do they show, but i still make sure to get him a party favor just in case. I will do the same and we'll see who shows to her party.

Speaking of party I still have no clue what I'm going to do for her party....... oh well i've got 3mos to work something out. Ideas would be helpful though if you have any.

Off topic agian and back to school. We had a parent meeting this past week and the parents and my fellow teacher are gung ho about fieldtrips. My fellow teacher is so enthusiastic that she rubbed her enthusiasm all over the parents and now they want field trips as well, BUT what she failed to mention to the parents was that she was looking for a new job and so all of the field trips that she wants and is willing to plan and be ga ga over will fall to ME because the bs of the job has gotten to her and she wants out. Yay me!

NOT!

I don't want to do field trips every month with 30 up my butt kids!! I told her that if she quits the field trips will be little to non-existant because i can see one in the fall to the pumkin patch in the spring to somewhere and at the end of the year to Arbuckle Wilderness. Thats it!!

We had a field trip to the park this friday in the rain! it was lovely trying to keep the kids clean, dry and cooperative. I hated it! The bathrooms were NASTY it had ONE nasty toilet and a bucket for trash that was half full of rancid water!

I sent the boys to pee behind the building! My fellow teacher of course said it was fine! MY ASS! You couldnt pay me 1000 dollars to walk into that bathroom let alone sit on the toilet! Gross nasty humans!

The playground wasn't much better as it was grafitti covered and was a sore disappointment. The kids had fun, the parents had fun but all i could think was "is it time to go now?"

I can't wait to see how the pumpkin patch goes........oh joy.

ENOUGH talking about school!!!

I want to be pregnant and every once in a while i get sad and depressed over it because i dont have a partner/husband/ or boyfriend. So its not possible for me to get pregnant right now and wont be till i can save up for sperm from the spermbank.

Anyway My cousin just had a baby boy this week and i was ecstatic for her, until i got to looking at her pregnancy photo's as well as listening to everyone goo and gaa at her and the new baby. My happiness turned to sadness and though i'm not depressed *cough yet cough* a little sad i was that i wansn't pregnant or even soon to be pregnant as before i can get sperm i have to go to the doctors and all that goodness so at best i may be trying to get pregnant come next summer/fall, maybe.

The thought of that perks me up till i realize that it is a long time till next summer/fall, but perk me up it does because then i put together a budget for the nursery (boy or girl i got it budgeted) baby shower and all the goodstuff, LOL i'm a nut. Nut I am but i'm prepared. Some would say too prepared but as long as it lifts my mood i'm good.

Here's a story for you, dont cry now, its a little moody.

A Good Man
I love my husband he is a good man, and a good father to my two girls Alessa and Janessa. I love my husband he is a good man, and yet they wonder why I…me…Reyna Isabella Pierce won’t leave her husband. I was captain of the cheerleading squad, voted most likely to succeed, and valedictorian. I love my husband he is a good man and a good father to my girls. Yet while he is all of these things you wonder why I stay, why I let my girls stay. I’m no fool. I see you for what you are, all of you. You who tell me to leave him yet you look at him with covetous glances while whispering to me about safe houses and women’s homes and hotlines. I’m not giving him up just so you can have him. He is My husband and I love him. I love him enough for all of us.
You ask me about after high school wanting to know my dreams of when I was a girl. I see through you. You’re just trying to befriend me so that you can arrest my husband for something that was my entire fault. Well, I’ll tell you about me and my dreams and then maybe you’ll see that he is the man I say he is and not the monster you think. But first let me say that he is a good man, a good father and I love him.
I started college wanting to own my own flower shop. So started off in school with a major in botany…flower science my mother called it… and a minor in business. God, I miss her. Before you ask I’ll tell you, no I haven’t seen my mother since after the girls were born. She just gradually faded away like my sister and friends. No, I don’t and won’t call her, what for? So she can tell me I’ve made a mistake? Well, she told me that before my wedding day. She said that it wasn’t right that Jake was making me marry him because I was pregnant. She didn’t understand that he loved me to much to continue ‘living in sin’ he called it. She didn’t understand his love for me or mine for him. Well, I proved her wrong didn’t I, because he loves me and he is a good man and a good father. What? Why did I quit school? Because I got pregnant my sophomore year with Alessa and Janessa and Jake said that it wouldn’t be good for them with all the stress I was under with my studies. You see he had just passed the BAR exam and had gotten a job at a very good law firm as a defense attorney. So since he wanted to move up in the company everything needed to be just so. What, my face? No, it’s alright, the bleedings stopped and I can barely feel the knot. No, I’m fine, just let me finish so I can go home to my girls their missing me by now. Where was I, oh yeah. So I quit school and became a home maker nothing wrong with that is there?
When did he start beating me? Never, how could you say such a thing. He is a good man, how many times do I have to tell you that? You people and your questions, I don’t know why the doctor called you surely you have better things to do then harass me and my family. I hear the nurses talk. They wonder why I don’t leave him. They ask me why over and over yet when I tell them they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind or something. They just don’t understand and neither will you. Its not as if it’s his fault at all its not its mine. You see I was supposed to clean the house for when he came home with a client, but with the girls running around and the phone ringing off the hook I got distracted with one thing and another and when he came home the house wasn’t’ clean to his satisfaction. After the client left he got angry. What’s wrong with that? Everyone gets angry. Everyone loses control once in a while, and besides it was just a punishment. I deserved it. I could have done much better, I know it. He hardly ever punishes hard enough for me to go to hospitals, honestly, and he would never hurt my girls he loves them and me. Really he is a good man. It was just a punishment no one goes to jail over a punishment. That’s all it was really he just doesn’t know his own strength. He is a good man and all I want is to be a good wife to him. He loves me I know it, he just shows it differently.
One day everyone will see what I see, that he is a good, kind, gentle and loving man to me and my girls. Last night was just a fluke it wont happen again, you’ll see. It won’t, and tomorrow he’ll bring me roses yellow ones, because he knows they’re my favorite and when I’m better we’ll go out like we used to before we got married and he’ll be the man I fell in love with again. He’ll be the man I married. That is the reason I stay. That is the reason I go through the bad times, just for those little moments, days, weeks of good. Every marriage goes through bad times; no one is with out them. No one, especially me. So disregard the bruised ribs, the concussion, and my broken wrist because it’s nothing. I love my husband. He is a good man and a good father, and an exceptional lawyer. Who are you to tell me otherwise? Now if you don’t mind I have to be getting home. My girls are with a sitter and when Jake gets home he won’t be happy about the expense. He is a good man officer, and no I won’t press charges